Wardrobe Project: Hawase doll dress

I have long wanted this Baby the Stars Shine Bright bonnet, but I can’t justify paying for one since I know that it’s something I will probably not feel comfortable wearing in public 99% of the time. So I made a very similar one using fabric I already had, and only spent money on a bit of daisy trim to make it extra fancy.

One of my least favourite things about getting older is that it makes me more self-conscious about what I wear, and eye-catching headwear is one of the things I hesitate to wear now. I don’t really personally mind looking older, but I mind being perceived as a woman who doesn’t realise she looks older, and I mind feeling like I can’t wear whatever I want for that reason.

Usually the outfits I photograph for the Wardrobe Project are the actual outfit I wore that day, but sometimes, like in this case, I will add some accessory that I’ll remove when I actually go out because I feel self-conscious. (Also I will always photograph an outfit with the best matching shoes I have, but if I go out I’ll usually grab the most practical pair.)

When I was younger I wouldn’t have given wearing something like this bonnet a second thought. I didn’t understand why everyone wouldn’t just wear whatever they wanted and ignore any silly comments. But I understand now it’s a very different thing to wear something unusual and endure the occasional comment when you’re young.

Stupid comments are usually from teenagers trying to look cool in front of their friends, and I genuinely do not care about what they may think or say. I also don’t care at all if someone silently disapproves of me dressing wacky.

What bothers me now is that people may silently think that I’m delusional for dressing “young”.

Of course I know all this shouldn’t matter, and I should ignore society’s expectations and all that, but it’s always in the back of my mind these days (and of course having social phobia means I am already hypersensitive about how I am perceived). I’m also at a stage where I feel that I myself can’t really tell how old I look and that’s throwing me off.

Anyway, that’s my rant over! I’m glad I have a silly bonnet now to wear when I do feel like it.